QA-Handling Insults Based on Gender

Dear Annie:

I’ve been playing in brick and mortar casinos for over 8 years now, and everyone (almost) is friendly – there are some occasional remarks and some of what you’ve said in your book – the “I won’t be beaten by a GIRL” type stuff, but in general, once men get to know that you’re a good player, that generally goes away.

But then I started playing online, and was surprised at the difference in attitude.  I suspect the tendency is to be “looser-lipped” because of the distance/anonymity of a computer screen, but it really gets out of hand sometimes.  What bothers me even more, however, is how *I* react.  It amazes me that words on a screen get to me to the extent that they do.  Do you run into this also?  And if so, how do you deal with it?  I always thought I was rather unshakable, but again, I am disappointed to have such thin skin, and that, of course, affects my game.

Thank you for any advice.

DJ

Hello DJ,

Yeah, the boys can be rude online. One thing to remember is that they are boys — so many online players are twentysomething males who don’t know how to hold their testosterone or their tongue. Of course the cowards can be as awful as they like because they get to hide behind their screen identities. And sister, if you think that’s bad, try adding a little fame into the mix! Just because people have seen me on TV they think it gives them the right to say all sorts of shocking things, even lewd or hurtful things. I’ve learned to let it roll on by, and you’ve got to learn the same thing, too. If someone is respectful and friendly, be respectful and friendly back. But if they’re “rude, crude and socially unacceptable,” just pretend they don’t exist. They’re beneath contempt and don’t deserve even a response from you.

Good luck!

xo Annie